Dear Lawyers,
No doubt you have often wondered where you could find a speaker as skilled and smart as a lawyer but still willing to take a stand on highly controversial scientific hypotheses. A speaker who has degrees from many institutions of higher learning (even if all in distant lands) but who can speak plainly about stuff such as relativity. Someone whose many books, like “New Hope For The Rich” and “Circus Leximus,” have won accolades from the same nominating committees who later cheated him of the prizes he deserved. Where is such a man?
Where is there a man who, for example, has devised a provocative alternative modality for the American justice system, based on the Sansabelt trousers concept? Where is there a man of such penetrating insight that he proposes, for example, that the hearsay rule of evidence be suspended when the witness can truly do a credible impersonation of the original speaker? Where is a man who will stand in the fierce stinky wind of criticism from a defensive scientific community, a man who will not be silenced on one point: evidence exists that gravity is an emotion (“felt” by the earth). Can there be such a man? There can. It is I.
But, you wonder, can there really be a man of such fascinating breadth, as slick as with the savoir faire and good looks of a lawyer but who still has somehow managed, say, to invent stuff? Marvelous things. Such as a hovercraft kit for the Plymouth Duster? And a personal airbag for pedestrians? A cutting edge man, with his own satellite (even if half inch diameter) ? A man so selfless and brave he has used his own body
to take placebo research where others have feared to go, ingesting placebos in unimaginably high doses? Oh yes, there can indeed be such a man. It is I.
But, you persist in wondering, will such a one come and speak to weary lawyers who may have been drinking? Yes, unbelievably, he will. He is me. He will.
My dear friends, one of the most frequent complaints of lawyers is the problem of “too little time.” But now you need no longer suffer this inconvenience. Many lawyers who have attended my lectures report that after carefully following my advice on “lawyer problems” they suddenly have plenty of free time! Best of all, you may soon even meet these lawyers because, coincidentally, they are all seeking employment and may be calling on you! Ask them how life-changing a Ludiker lecture can be!
Please note, however, that this letter is ONLY for my clients. Deliberate reading of this letter implies an intent to engage my services, or, at a minimum, to bestow a grant. If you find you have read any portion of this privileged information you should immediately contact my representative, a nice man named Fred Knipe, at (520) 327-3368 to discuss the benefits of your new contract.
Sincerely,
M.F. Ludiker, free-range savant and Director
Ludiker Institute